Anointed Thought

My husband wanted to take a picture with me last evening.  He first tried to take the picture with his camera, but that didn’t work.  Either his head or mine was cut out of the shot.  We then called one of our sons to take the picture for us.  Our 14-year old did a pretty good job considering he was working with poor lighting.

We had fun working so hard to get what turned out to be just an ‘okay’ shot. Still, love was captured. While that in itself was memory worthy, a different thought left its imprint on my heart:  after 15 years of marriage, my husband wanted to put our love on film.  The thought filled my heart with gratitude.

He and I have come a long way.  I’m not sure how much our marriage has changed him.  He always seemed to have a better handle than I on the challenges we have faced.  As for me, well…how far is the East from the West?  That’s how far I feel I am from the person I used to be.  I am so grateful to have changed, especially since I didn’t feel I needed to change during any of the situations that changed me. Had I stayed in those places of suspicious thought, accusation, doubt, and insecurity I’m not sure if we would have a love worth capturing.  Actually, in the process of securing my marriage, I realized those thoughts and their subsequent actions are not indicative of love.  They spring from distrust and insecurity and will destroy a marriage if not effectively dealt with.

When looking at our picture last night, the physical changes I’ve experienced in the last 15 years were evident…especially the additional 15 to 20 pounds of change that I am now wearing =).   The most significant changes, however, took place in my heart.  Those changes were truly gifts from God. Of course, they didn’t feel that way when I was experiencing them. But, through the difficult times of doubt, uncertainty, disappointment and coming to terms with a reality that differed from my wants and expectations, spending time with God became a source of comfort.

In seeking answers to the feelings of loneliness and uncertainty, He showed me His heart for me as well as for my husband.  That latter vision led me to begin praying a prayer that became key to changing my heart. That prayer was/is simply:  “Father, in the name of your son, Jesus, give me your heart for my husband. Let me love him as you love him, unconditionally and completely.”  Slowly over the years, God began to reveal the roots of attitudes and behaviors my husband displayed that I would often judge as “less than godly” or “problematic”.

First, God told me to stop judging my husband. He then began showing me the reasons behind my husband’s points of view. Through His Holy Spirit, God then led me to a new way of praying.  Instead of asking Him to “change” my husband, God told me to pray for the healing of wounds and disappointments my husband suffered that impacted his outlook on life. I was witnessing the residual effects of hurts gone unattended.  God diligently let me know that I needed to pray the same – the healing of deep rooted wounds and disappointments – for myself.  For I, too, exhibited behavior that was ‘less than godly’ and ‘problematic’.

As I accepted God’s heart, God’s view, and God’s prayers for my husband (and for myself), my disposition toward him changed.  I not only had a greater measure of compassion for him, but the possible purpose for God joining us together became clearer.  In that transition from ‘accuser’ to ‘intercessor’, my love for my husband grew to a far deeper level than I knew was possible.  Along with the titles of wife, friend and mother to his children, I started the journey of becoming one of his ‘great praying defenders’ as well.  It’s a title I take seriously and a journey I found to be worth taking.  I’m still traveling that path and still learning as I go.

Are you in a difficult place in your marriage? Are there attitudes or behaviors your husband displays that you don’t understand?  Does he sometimes get on your last nerve?  Instead of judging him or his actions, ask God to show you His heart for him and ask Him for His prayer for him.  You may be amazed at the level of compassion you’re capable of feeling and the rekindling of love the Lord will place in your lives.

I continue to be dazed by God’s faithfulness.  When I love as He has asked me to; I get a fresh glimpse of the depth, width, height, and comfort of God’s love and it seems boundless.  When I love as He loves, what I feel takes my breath away.  The feeling is kind of like my husband reaching out at the end of a very busy day to take a picture with me after 15 years of marriage.  Even though my physical beauty has changed, there’s something there that draws him.  In this instance, I am convinced he’s drawn by the beauty of God’s  heart overshadowing mine.

I would show you last night’s picture, but I feel it’s a special token between my husband and me. But, next time, maybe…as I pray there will be one.  🙂