Aunt Joyce and Big Boy, The Squirrel
10/21/2012
Lessons for Life
Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you. 2 Corinthians 13:11
While visiting my mother in Texas this past summer, my sons and I went with her to visit one of her aunts. Although Aunt Joyce was recovering from knee surgery, her eyes sparkled as she shared stories of her childhood providing me with wonderful insights into our family history that I had wanted to discuss for some time.
The stories were touching. Her mother – my great-grandmother – died when she three years old. Her father then set out to raise her and some of her siblings on his own. Her voice softened as she spoke of the man who apparently cared deeply and well for her. She said he was her hero. She lost him to what she believes was an incident rooted in hatred when she was ten.
Papa, as she called him, was walking home from work one day when a man fatally struck him with a vehicle. Though it was never proven, many people in the family suspected the incident was racially motivated. Papa was white and Little Mama, Aunt Joyce’s mother, was mulatto. Even though Little Mama had died seven years prior to Papa’s death, many people in the community never forgave Papa for marrying a black woman. That was a sad day for Aunt Joyce as she not only lost her best friend and protector, but life as she knew it changed drastically as she was separated from her siblings and placed in the care of a relative.
She talked for a while about the taunts and insults she endured as a teenager. How neither blacks nor whites accepted her. Although she was black, her silky straight hair and fair complexion spoke more of her white heritage. Blacks held that against her. Whites couldn’t overlook the beautiful honey notes in her complexion that reflected the blackness she never denied. She lived a lonely life as a bi-racial teen growing up in a highly segregated southeast Texas community. Having grown up in the area, I could well imagine the difficulty she endured.
When recounting the story, her voice never broke. There were hints of sadness and notes of regret here and there, but the tone of her conversation seemed rinsed with tilts of forgiveness. She laughed and smiled at the memory of her beautiful father and her eyes danced as she spoke of the many children the Lord blessed her with as an adult. Her entire demeanor bespoke peace and love. She had moved past it all and come to a place of strength, beauty and acceptance. She had even placed her desire to move back to the country on a shelf. She was feeling as though she was too old to care for a home in a rural setting.
I could see her in that setting. It was the backdrop of my upbringing. The place I call home even though I moved to the city myself many years ago. It is also the setting that I recall some of my fondest memories of one of my favorite people ever: my grandmother; Aunt Joyce’s older sister and my mother’s mother. She was so loving and gentle, very much like Aunt Joyce, that when she died all the flowers and trees in her yard wilted. It’s as though they felt her departure from the earth. We understood their reaction for her death took our breath away as well. All of us: her husband, her children, her many grandchildren, her sisters, brothers, family and friends. She was loved beyond measure and returned it with abundance.
After listening to Aunt Joyce that day, my love for her and for my late grandmother grew. I had a renewed appreciation for being their descendant and felt a greater measure of strength. I was also encouraged to look for ways to move past offenses I may have encountered from others so that I could live as my late grandmother had and as Aunt Joyce does: lovingly at peace and peacefully loving.
When preparing to leave Aunt Joyce’s house that day, my sons ran into her apartment. They had been outside on her terrace looking around. Their excitement was obvious as they rushed through the door saying, “Mom, Mom, you’ll never believe what happened! A squirrel just came up to us and stood at our feet. He didn’t move. He just stood there!”
Seeing their excitement, Aunt Joyce began laughing. She said, “Oh! He just wants some peanuts. We buy them for those little critters and they come for them when they are hungry.” She thought for a moment and added, “I wish you could have seen Big Boy. He would ring our doorbell when he came. He would take six peanuts one at a time. As I gave the peanuts to him, he would put one on each side of his mouth until he had three peanuts on each side. He would then scutter away. He hasn’t been here for a while. I hope he’s okay.”
“You give the squirrels peanuts?” one of my sons asked.
“And they ring the doorbell?” another chided disbelievingly.
Aunt Joyce just laughed saying, “Yes. They are not as scary as you may think.”
The words went deep upon hearing them. How many things that appear frightening are not as scary as we think; be them situations involving furry little friends or something bigger like painful memories or the loss of a loved one? I wonder if Aunt Joyce would say the same thing about the difficult life situations and painful memories she’s experienced.
Based on the love witnessed through her words and her demeanor that summer day, I think her answer to that question would be a resounding ‘Yes!’ Through her actions she reminds us to be gentle with the things that frighten us; give them a little attention before they do any damage. It’s like feeding little furry things that could eat the wires in our homes. Through our love they learn to ring the doorbell and scutter away once attended to.
Taking a Load Off
10/19/2012
Ever feel as though you’ve worked through some of your ‘main’ issues in life only to find out that you really haven’t? I recently had that experience and it was quiet surprising. I was praying with a friend, when I was suddenly overcome with emotion. I couldn’t hold back the tears. I was so startled over my reaction that, for a moment, all I wanted to do was apologize to her. Then, I realized how such an outburst likely meant that I was holding a lot of stuff inside that needed to come out.
Fortunately, my friend was very understanding and has a long standing relationship with the Lord. She quickly encouraged me to do some inner searching on the cause of the outburst. She felt it may be connected to a backlash of fear that I didn’t want to address. Later, when seeking answers in prayer, the issues the Lord brought to my attention seemed to fall into two categories.
The stuff that fell into the “I Really Don’t Want to Deal With this Ever” category, dealt with past sins that were extremely painful to re-visit. I know I am not the same person I was then. Still, some of the decisions I made in my twenties as well as situations I allowed myself to get into were truly shame-filled. To recount those memories would take me to a place I preferred to never travel again. Still, through my brief emotional ‘meltdown’ God was letting me know that it was time to unload them.
The “Wow, This is Too Heavy for me to Deal With!” category, was brimming over with emotionally charged experiences that I felt ill-prepared to address. So, I either marked them up as “That’s how life goes. I’ll just have to accept the situation and move on”; or, I tucked away the pain somewhere deep inside and prayed it would never surface again. As a Christian, I should have known the Lord would never let something so heavy stay locked inside of me when it doesn’t have to. It’s an unnecessary burden.
The past mistakes…painful as they were…were easy to identify. For those it was a matter of forgiveness. I could accept God’s forgiveness, but I struggled forgiving myself. The other issues dealt with fear; real fear. Fear of losing my husband after a serious bout with disease. Fear of our life not coming together as planned. Fear that my sons may take a bad path in life. Fear of experiencing lack. Not being able to find a job should I ever decide or need to work again. They were real fears that needed real attention.
The crazy thing about the fear issues is that I knew I had them. I just chalked them up as normal and never thought to give them to God. But, when looking for the answer to moving past them, that was it: Give all of them to God. I needed to cast my burdens on the Lord and trust that He would sustain me. (Psalm 55:22). After listing them all on a piece of paper, I studied each of them for a moment, prayed over the removal of any deposit of fear any of them may have left within me, and then, I asked God to take them off me. I also asked Him to let me know if or when I was allowing any aspects of those issues back into my life through a thought, an action, a spoken word, etc.
I have felt myself wanting to pick them up again. In those instances, I tell myself that any outcome is possible, but no matter what comes my way, God is big enough, powerful enough and almighty enough to see me through it. The situation may hurt. It may not be an experience I want or expect. The circumstance(s) may take me out of my comfort zone. Still, God can not only handle the matter, He can put value to it. Just like He did with the very situation that led to the identification and release of all that stuff I was holding inside of me.
The exercise of identifying and releasing those burdens was spiritually and emotionally therapeutic. The hurts and disappointments were not easy to greet again. There was a job termination, the laying down of a wonderful career, and, pains suffered in the roles of being a wife, mother, sister and friend. There were heartbreaks, heartaches, defeats and the overwhelming feeling of professional demoralization. It felt as heavy as it all sounds. Fortunately for me, my God is big enough to take on the full load of it all. I’m extremely grateful to Him for doing so.
Are you burdened down with past hurts, disappointments, and/or sins? Are there feelings within you that you feel are too painful to revisit; they’re better left unattended? If you answered yes to either question, I encourage you to cast your burdens on to the Lord. Let Him sustain you.
Take a moment and ask God to walk with you through a moment of identification and release of any issue you’re holding within. Let Him take the load off. He is truly big enough, strong enough and mighty enough to handle it. Most of all, He’s faithful to hold you and love you through the process. Give Him a try…He won’t let you down.
Anointed Thought 